Coffee Time
Q: How does Mrs. Abdul Jabbar like her coffee?
A: With Kareem!!!

Q: What does it say, on great Hawaiian singer, Don's mail box?
A: The Ho House!!!

Elmo
What was the last thing they gave to Elmo before he left the factory?

2 testtickles!

Snowmen and Snowladies
What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?

Snowballs.

To Fry a Peter
Q: What do you use to fry a peter?

A: Peter Pan.

Confucius says again...
1. Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets titbit.
2. Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.
3. Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
4. Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.
5. Passionate kiss like spider web-lead to undoing of fly.
6. Man with holes in pocket, feels cocky all day.
7. Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
8. Virginity like balloon-one prick, all gone.
9. Girls who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
10. He who farts in church, sits in own pew.
11. Baseball all wrong-man with four balls can't walk.
12. Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.
13. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
14. Man with penis in peanut butter is f***ing nuts.
15. Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
16. Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.
17. Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
18. Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand.

Puns by the Pound!
Q: what did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow-job...

Q: Did you hear about the queer burglar?
A: He couldn't blow the safe do he went down on the elevator...

Q: Why is it so groovy to be a test tube baby?
A: Because you get a womb with a view...

Q: Why are eggs so frusterated?
A: Because they only get laid once, they only get eaten once, and you've gotta boil them to get them hard...

Q: Where do you get virgin wool?
A: From ugly sheep...

Q: What did Adam say to Eve?
A: Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets...

Q: Did you hear about the deaf gynecoligist?
A: He had to learn how to read ilps...

Q: Why are chickens so ugly?
A: You'd be ugly too if you had a pecker hanging out your forehead...

Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Cause they dont know the words...

Q: Where are an elephant's sex organs?
A: In his feet- if he steps on you you're fucked...

Q: How do you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose?
A: If she farts, her ankles will swell...

Q: What's the ulitmate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep...

Q: How do you know when an elephant's been fucking in your garage?
A: Your Hefty bags are missing...

Affluance
A rich society lady was being driven home in the rain when her Rolls Royce gets a puncture.

The car slowly stopped, and the chauffeur got out. After a long delay the society lady wound down the window. "Do you want a screwdriver?" she asked.

The chauffeur shrugged. "Might as well," he said," I can't get this bloody hub cap off!!!

Breakfast, Lunch, & Supper!
After each question, your say: "Rubber Jugs and Liquor".

Q: What did you have for breakfast?
A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor!

Q: What did you have for lunch?
A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor!

Q: What did you have for supper?
A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor!
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Q: What would you do if you saw a hot chick walking down the street?

hee-hee hoo-hoo haa-haa!

Di and Dolly Go To Heaven
Princess Diana and Dolly Parton had both died on the same night.
When they reached the gates of Heaven they were greeted by St. Peter.

St. Peter said "Excuse me ladies, but before I let you in... I must know what you were doing when you died... you see Heaven has become AWFULLY crowded...it's our new policy!" He smiled.

"Well...if you must know...I was standing in front of the mirror examining my boobs..." Dolly Parton said.

"And I was going to the bathroom!" Princess Diana said.

"You may enter into Heaven..." St. Peter held the gate open for Princess Diana to pass through.

"WAIT A MINUTE! How come she gets to go and not me?!" Dolly Parton asked.

"Why...don't you know...a royal flush beats 2 of a kind!" St. Peter exclaimed.

Downsizing
A small business owner was faced with the problem that he needed to downsize his company. He added up all the receipts and discovered he could get by if he fired one of his employees. He looked in his files and saw that he had two new employees; one named Jill, and the other named Jack.

Because they had started on the same day at the same time, he wondered how he would make the decision on who to fire. Finally he decided that he would fire the first one he saw taking a break.

About ten minutes later he saw Jill leaning against the wall next to the water cooler. He left his office and walked over to her with a serious look on his face. He turned to her and said, "Jill, I have some rather bad news. It seems as though I'm going to either have to lay you or Jack off."

Jill looked at her employer and said, "Well, you're going to have to jack off. I have a headache."