Charlie Brown in the 90's
Do you remember the Charlie Brown specials that taught valuable life lessons to a generation of kids? Well here are some new episodes:

Peanuts specials for kids of the 90's:

We learn about VD in:
"IT BURNS WHEN I PEE, CHARLIE BROWN"

Charlie and the little redheaded girl learn about unwanted pregnancy in:
"I'M STARTING TO SHOW, CHARLIE BROWN!"

Is Linus gay?
"ITS A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE, CHARLIE BROWN"

Charlie moves back to his house in East L.A in:
"OYE! VATO! QUE PASA, CARLITO MORENO?"

See how the Peanuts Gang deals with date rape in:
"NO MEANS NO, CHARLIE BROWN!"

Franklin speaks! The Peanuts gang gets a lesson in Ebonics in:
"IMO BUSTA CAP INYO ASS, CHARLIE BROWN"

What goes on the mind of a serial killer? Discover the inner workings of Pig Pen's twisted psyche and meet his murderous alter ego "Mr. Clean" in:
"GOD TOLD ME TO DO IT, CHARLIE BROWN"

Schroder teaches the Peanuts gang about getting high in:
"ROLL US A FAT ONE, CHARLIE BROWN!"

Charlie Brown gets his first job in:
"WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT, CHARLIE BROWN?"

Charlie Brown peddles his body for crack money while stealing social security checks and stripping cars in:
"GO BLAME SOCIETY, CHARLIE BROWN"

Peppermint Patty 'goes to town' on Marcie in:
"WHO NEEDS MEN, CHARLIE BROWN?"

Real Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies
Real Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies
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1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

2. You with your thick face have hurt my instep.

3. Gun wounds again?

4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

12. You daring lousy guy.

13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!

14. I have been scared sh*tless too much lately.

15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?

19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am
sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them
out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.

20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short
rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a
thorough extermination.

21. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up
together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate
feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.

Rodney Dangerfield Top One-Liners!
A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

My father carries around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet.

I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "do you think we'll ever find them? He said, "I don't know kid, there are so many places they can hide.

Rodney Dangerfield's Best One-Liners!
I was so poor growing up...If I wasn't born a boy..I'd have nothing to play with.

A girl phoned me the other day and said ...."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

One day as I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?"
He said, "Because you came home early."

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly...My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could... But he pulled through."

I'm so ugly ... My mother had morning sickness - after I was born.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him .... "Do you think we'll ever find them?"

He said, "I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" he said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

Star Wars Remastered
The Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"

15 New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.

14 He might not sound as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely.

13 Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Lea on the knee with a light saber.

12 Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use the Fifth, Luke."

11 The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza the Hut.

10 Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.

9 C3PO has a conspicuous "Intel Inside" sticker on his shiny brass ass.

8 Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin' goatees.

7 New scene where Luke shakes JFK's hand and tells him he has to pee.

6 Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Hehe...hehe...she said, 'Lay ya.'"

5 Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name.

4 During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2's special attachment.

3 Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.

2 The X-Wing pilot who blows up the Death Star?Richard Jewell.

And the Number 1 Surprise in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"...

1 Dismembered victim of Obi-Wan Kenobi's light saber in bar scene none other than John Wayne Bobbitt.

Star Wars- Sexually Explicit Lines
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"

9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"

8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."

7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."

6. "Aren't you a little short for a storm trooper?"

5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."

4. "Sorry about the mess..."

3. "Look at the size of that thing!"

2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"

1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."

Top Ten Most Violent Upcoming Movies
10. "Erin Brockovich Gets Her Face Chewed Off by Rats"

9. "Mary Poppins A Cap In Your Ass"

8. "Bitch-Slapping Miss Daisy"

7. "How Stella Got Her Groove Back 2: Whoopi Goldberg's Bikini Wax"

Oh, for God's sake. I'm sorry we had to print that one.

6. "Peyote Ugly"

5. "Circumcision: The Purification Begins"

4. "Thou Hast Deflowered My Daughter: An Amish Ass-kickin'"

3. "Field of Limbs"

2. "Terminal Velocity 2" starring Christopher Reeve

1. "How the Grinch Stole My Urethra"

Top10 New Summer Camps!
Top 10 Summer Camps you should not send your kids to:

10. Tommy Lee's---------- Camp Kickachickee
9. Lorena Bobbit's------ Camp Cutaweewee
8. Tanya Harding's------ Camp Wackaneenee
7. Kenneth Star's------- Camp Catchacrookee
6. Louis Farakahn's----- Camp Killawhitey
5. O.J. Simpson's------- Camp Killachickee
4. Michael Jackson's---- Camp Wannabewhitey
3. President Clinton's-- Camp Getahoochie
2. Ellen Degeneras's---- Camp Lickacoochie

And the number one camp not to send your kid to:

1. Monica Lewinsky's---- Camp Suckapeepee

Dairy queen--whopper
How did the dairy queen get pregnant?
The burger king showed her his whopper!!!

Green
Q: If you've got a green ball in your left hand, and a green ball in your right hand, what do you have?

A: Kermit the Frog's undivided attention.