Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't:
Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't...

Have you looked through her briefs?
He is one hard judge!
Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
Is it a penal offense?
Better leave the handcuffs on.
For $200 an hour, she better be good!
Can you get him to drop his suit?
The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
Think you can get me off?

Another Dumb Viagra Joke
What happens when you give Viagra to a Lawyer?
He gets taller!

Bill
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass!

Bucket
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.

Cross With A Blonde
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.

Gigolo
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Lawyer and a prostitute?
Whats the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwin' you once your dead!

Courtroom Chaos
A man accused of robbing a bank was tried for the final time and was found guilty. Just before he was taken away, the man looked the judge in the eye and said, "Would it be okay if I called you a son of a bitch?"

The judge's face went red and he roared, "It most certainly would not! I'd add another two years onto your sentence!"

The defendant nodded and then asked, "Would it be okay if I THOUGHT you were a son of a bitch?"

The judge was becoming very annoyed but replied, "Yes, I suppose that would be okay. I obviously have no control over your thoughts."

The defendant smiled and said, "Well, in that case, judge, I think you are a son of a bitch!"

Drug Cure fer sure!
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge.
"And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy)

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"

"Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)
I said (pointing to small circle) this is your ass hole before prison.....

Explaination
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.

Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"