Black Jokes...
How do you stop a 3 black men from raping a white woman?
Throw them a basketball!

What do you call a black priest?
Holy Shit!

What do you call a black woman taking birth control pills?
A Humanitarian.

Ebonics 101
Welcome to EBONICS 101

Herein follow a few terms to help you get started on your merry way towards the ve-nak-u-lar...

"Damn- that shit is DOPE!"
That is a wonderful concept/object/action.

"Can't FADE that."
I am unable to comprehend or assimilate that concept at this time.

"Shante ain't havin' it."
This is not something that Shante will allow to occur.

"Homey- Boo was dropping PHAT beats."
Our friend Boo was playing some wonderful music.

"YO!- Let me GAFFLE that BLUNT!"
Might I be able to indulge in your marijuana cigarette?

"JIMMY was on and I was HITTIN' it!"
I had in my possession a condom, which was used in my engagement of sexual activity.

"What's up? Why you ALL UP in my shit!?!"
Please sir/madam- stay out of my affairs.

"She is HELLA' CLOWIN' you HOMEY!"
The woman is creatively informing you that her interest in dating you is non-existent at this time.
"Woooooo- Renaldo was PITCHIN' STRAIGHT GAME to baby-doll, and it was SMOOOOVE!"
Renaldo was creatively inquiring as to the marital status of the female, with the intention of asking her on a date.

"STEP OFF Cool- before I bust PHAT CAPS in your A** with my NEINER..."
It would be beneficial to your physical state to leave this area, as I will soon be encouraged by your disrespect towards me to shoot bullets into your buttocks with my 9mm pistol.

"Why is 5-OH always BUGGIN'!?!"~~~~
Why are the police officers always worried?

"Friday night- COLD CHILLIN' with a 40 and a BLUNT."~~~~
It is Friday eve, and I am leisurely enjoying a forty ounce bottle of malt liquor and a marijuana cigarette.

Ebonics As a Second Language
A FRIEND OF MINE HAS AN 18 YEAR OLD SON NAMED LEROY. HE ATTENDS OAKLAND HIGH SCHOOL WHERE THEY TEACH EBONICS AS A SECOND LANGUAGE. LAST WEEK HE WAS GIVEN AN EASY HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS PUT EACH OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS IN A SENTENCE. THIS IS WHAT LEROY DID.

1. RECTUM: I HAD TWO CADILLACS, BUT MY OL'LADY RECTUM BOTH.

2. HOTEL: I GAVE MY GIRLFRIEND DA CRABS AND THE HOTEL EVERYBODY.

3. ODYSSEY: I TOLD MY BRO, YOU ODYSSEY THE JUGS ON THIS HOE.

4. STAIN: MY MOTHER-IN-LAW AXED IF I WAS STAIN FOR DINNER AGAIN.

5. SELDOM: MY COUSIN GAVE ME TWO TICKETS TO THE KNICKS GAME, SO I SELDOM.

6. PENIS: I WENT TO DA DOCTOR AND HE HANDED ME A CUP AND SAID PENIS.

7. CATACOMB: DON KING WAS AT THE FIGHT THE OTHER NIGHT, MAN, SOMEBODY GIVE THAT CATACOMB.

8. FORCLOSE: IF I PAY ALIMONY THIS MONTH, I'LL HAVE NO MONEY FORCLOSE.

9. UNDERMINE: THERE IS A FINE LOOKIN' HOE LIVIN' IN THE APARTMENT UNDERMINE.

10. TRIPOLI: I WAS GONNA BUY MY OLD LADY A BRA BUT I COULDN'T FINE NO TRIPOLI.

12. DISAPPOINTMENT: MY PAROLE OFFICER TOL ME IF I MISS DISAPPOINTMENT THEY GONNA SEND ME BACK TO THE BIG HOUSE.

13. INCOME: I JUST GOT IN BED WIT DEE HOE AND INCOME MY WIFE.

14. HONOR: AT THE RAPE TRIAL, THE JUDGE AXED MY BUDDY, WHO B HONOR FIRST?

15. FORTIFY: I AXED DA HOE HOW MUCH? AND SHE SAY FORTIFY.

16. ISRAEL: ALONSO TRIED TO SELL ME A ROLEX, I SAID MAN, THAT LOOKS FAKE. HE SAID, NO ISRAEL.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, LEROY GOT AN A.

Light Bulb Jokes Galore!
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None 'o yo' freakin' bitness!

Q: How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.

Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.

Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of them.

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and the other to say ``Fabulous.'

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many Lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.

Q: How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: ``Twelve. Ya got a problem with dat?''

Simple Chinese
Dung On MAI Shu------------I stepped in excrement
Ai Wan Tu Bang Yu---------Let's sleep together
Ai Bang Mai Ne--------------I bumped into the coffee table
Fat Ho---------------------An unattractive woman
Ar U Wun Tu-----------------A gay liberation greeting
Chin Tu Fat----------------You need a face lift
Chow Mai Dong-------------Romantic proposition
Dum Gai---------------------A stupid person
Wel Hung Gai----------------Is that a banana in your pocket?
Won Hung Low-------------Southern Chinese dialect for Wel Hung Gai
Gun Pao Der-----------------An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung---------------Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding--------------We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugutive
Jan Ne Ka Sun---------------A former late night talk show host
Kum Hia---------------------Approach me
Lao Ze Sho------------------Gilligan's Island
Lao Zi----------------------Not very good
Lin Ching-------------------An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding-------------A great achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn----------------------A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai--------------------A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be------------A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne--------------A small horse
Ten Ding Ba----------------Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung-------------A person with T.B.
Yu Mai Te Tan--------------Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you
Wa Shing Kah---------------Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim------------------Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting----------There is no reason to raise your voice

The Scottsman!
What is the difference between a Scottish man and a member of the Rolling Stones?

A member of the Rolling Stones says, "Hey you! Get off my cloud!"
The Scot says, "Hey McCloud, get off my ewe!"

Sprinklers
Did you know that the inventor of sprinklers was racist?

Yeah, listen to one next time you get a chance, It goes -
spic....spic....spic....nigga...nigga...nigga...nigga.........chink!

Redneck
How do you circumsize a redneck?
You kick his sister in the chin!

Polish Women and Vibrators
Q. Why don't polish women use vibrators?

A. It chips their teeth.

Polish Wedding Night
What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night?

A last name.