Alot Alike
Q: Why are tornadoes and marriage alike?

A: They both start with a lot of blowing and sucking, but in the end you always lose your house.

Knights of Columbus and Shriners
What is the difference in a Knights of Columbus and a Shriner?

Answer: A Knight is once a knight ,always a Knight and the Shriners argue that once a night is enough for anyone!

What's the diff...
Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?

A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party.
A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

We've been robbed!
A farmer and his daughter were coming back from town with their money from some sales and a large sack of flour when all of a sudden these highway men held them up and robbed them of everything.

A few minutes later the farmer exclaims, "We're ruined, all the money's gone and there's no flour for bread!"

His daughter says, "No, papa, I hid the money in my you-know-what."

The farmer said, "You're a good girl, but if your mamma was here -
she could have saved the sack of flour as well!"

Together At Last
Marie's funeral is a sad one as she goes to join her departed husband. Standing near the casket, a mourner keeps repeating, "At last they're together. At last they're together."

A mourner whispers, "Why are you making such a tumult? She was a tramp even when Nick was alive. What's with this nonsense...at last they're together!"

The first mourner responds, "I'm talking about her LEGS! At last they're together!"

The farmer's wife
So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife's tits and says, "If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows."

He grabs her butt and says, "If this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."

The wife grabs the farmer's dick and says, "And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother."

Small Penis
This couple has been dating for about four months, but the guy had been afraid of making any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.

Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her to a secluded spot in his car. While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.

"No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."

Royal Penis Comparison
The kings of Spain, France, and England all stand on stage together in front of their nations all ready to see who of the three has the largest penis.

The king of Spain takes his out and as they all see the impressive proportions all the Spanish people shout: "Viva Espania!"

The king of France is next and as his is even larger, all the French scream: "Vive la France!"

Next comes the king of England, and just as he drops his pants and takes his out, everyone exclaims: "God save the Queen!"

Rejected Hallmark Cards
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day...
Look at the bright side,
she's a really good lay.

My tire was thumping...
I thought it was flat...
when I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat... Sorry.

You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends...
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.

You've announced that you're gay,
won't that be a laugh,
when they find out you're one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.

Heard your wife left you...
How upset you must be...
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

Your computer is dead...
it was once so alive
Don't you regret installing
Windows 95?

You totalled your car...
and can't remember why...
could it have been...
that case of Bud Dry?

Punkrocker's Hair
An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk-rocker gets on. The punkrocker's hair is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings.

When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says "What's the matter old man? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were a young guy?"

The old guy says in reply "Yeah. One time I had sex with a parrot.
I thought maybe you were my kid. . . "