4 Blonde quickies...
How do you know a blonde's been at your computer?
The joystick's wet.

How else do you know a blonde's been at your computer?
There's white out on the screen.

How do you know she's been back?
There's writing on the white out.

What do a turtle and a blonde have in common?
Once they're on their backs, they're fucked!...but at least the turtle tries to get back up!

Blonde Quickies
How do you get a blond out of a tree?
Wave

How do you drowen a blond?
Stick a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottem of the toliet and tell her to sniff.

What is the diference between a blond and a misqueto?
A mosquito knows when to stop sucking.

When can you tell whitch cars a blond's car?
The stick shift is wet.

Blonde quickies 1-20
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: When they're on their backs, they're screwed.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Blonde quickies 101-120
101.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.

102.
Q: How do blondes get pregnant?
A: And you thought blondes were dumb.

103.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"

104.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

105.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

106.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

107.
Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

108.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

109.
Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.

110.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

111.
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

112.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

113.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

114.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

115.
Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.

116.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.

117.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

118.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

119.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

120.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde girl and a blond guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Blonde quickies 121-140
121.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

122.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts ...

123
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

124.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

125.
Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

126.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping trolley?
A: The shopping trolley has a mind of its own!

127.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez Canal?
A: One's a busy ditch.

128.
Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

129.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

130.
Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

131.
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common ?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

132.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

133.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

134.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

135.
Q: What do blonds and spagetthii have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

136.
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

137.
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common ?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.

138.
Q: Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

139.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

140.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Don't tell her to swallow.

Blonde quickies 141-160
141.
Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool ?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

142.
Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.

143.
Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

144.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

145.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

146.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

147.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

148.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

149.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

150.
Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.

151.
Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

152.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

153.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

154.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

155.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

156.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

157.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

158.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

159.
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"

160.
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Blonde quickies 161-180
161.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

162.
Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

163.
Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

164.
Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

165.
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A: The Blonde!

166.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

167.
Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the 11 in 9-1-1.

168.
Q: Did you hear about the blondes who froze to death at the Drive Inn Theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Season"

169.
Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

170.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

171.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

172.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

173.
Q: What do you call 25 blondes on top of each other?
A: An air mattress.

174.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

175.
Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
A: Sweet Fuck All...

176.
Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.

177.
Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.

178.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.

179.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide-and-seek champ.

180.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.

Blonde quickies 181-200
181.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

182.
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

183.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave at her.

184.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.

185.
Q: How do you check a blonde's IQ?
A: With a tire gauge.

186.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

187.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"

188.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

189.
Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow ?
A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

190.
Q: Why aren't BLONDES good cattle herders?
A: Because the can't even keep two calves together!

191.
Q: Why don't blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.

192.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

193.
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

194.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

195.
Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

196.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

197.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

198.
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !

199.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

200.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

Blonde quickies 201-220
201.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: A blond electrician

202.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

203.
Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

204.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

205.
Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.

206.
Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

207.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

208.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

209.
Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.

210.
Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

211.
Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them

212.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

213.
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

214.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

215.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

216.
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.

217.
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

218.
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

219.
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

220.
Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

Blonde quickies 21-40
Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent to a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: Why don't blondes make Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little boxes.

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."