Sit On Newspaper
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?

A: So she could lip read.

Lesbian Frogs
What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?

MMmmmm, tastes like chicken!

Did You Hear?
Did you hear about the blonde who...

had more on her body than on her mind?

was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?

took an hour to cook Minute Rice?

got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?

was an M. D. - Mentally Deficient?

had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?

thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?

was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?

after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?

went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?

brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

Bashing Blondes...part 3!
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: What is the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm "sooo" drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: Why are there so few blonde pharmacists?
A: They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the typewriter!

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
A: Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese.

Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says on the box: "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Timbucktoo
It seems that two of the great Romantic British Poets, Shelly and Keats died on the same day.

When they got to heaven St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I only have room for one poet. I'll tell you what I'll do. Each of you must make up a poem using the word 'Timbuctoo.' The one who creates the best poem I'll let into heaven."

So Shelly goes first. He thinks a bit and after a few moments, he starts, "I stood upon the burning sand gazing at a far off land. A caravan came into view it's destination: Timbuctoo."

"Very good!" says St. Peter, "Keats it's your turn. Do you think you can top that one?"

Keats just smiled and started his poem: "Tim and I a hunting went, and found three maidens in a tent. Since they were three and we were two, I bucked one and Timbuctoo."

A REALLY Bad Day - True Story!
A REALLY Bad Day

So you think you're having a bad day. The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.

The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out.
He fell down the remaining steps and broke his ankle!

Having Babies Questions
Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.

Child: Mother, where do babies come from?

Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex.(The daughter looks puzzled.)

Mom continues: That means the daddy puts his penis in mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.

Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into your and daddy's room, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?

Mom: Jewelry, dear.

The morning after...
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.

True announcements during Sunday service
And once again the low self-esteem therapy group meets here at the Salvation Army Hall next Tuesday at 3.00 P.M. Remember that we prefer if you would use the back entrance.

Also the songsters brigade is in lack of male voices, so if you enjoy sinning, this is the place to be.

Cheap Rooms 4 Rent
Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you'll make your own bed.

Guest: I'll make my own bed.

Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.